On never getting thin... or More Fat: Still Awesome

Tomorrow I go to my 10 year high school reunion. I have little doubt that I will be the fattest person there.

I spent a lot of energy as a teen thinking about how I'd be thin by the time I graduated high school....no? well, I'd be thin at our high school reunion and I'd show them all! Then they would recognize how awesome I am.

But I never got thin. I got a lot fatter. And then I got a lot less afraid of that.

At some point in recent years, I began encountering a critical mass of people who think I am awesome, and that has made a huge difference in my life. It's a big change from my life as a teenage girl who simultaneously didn't want to be seen (for fear of judgment) and was desperate to be seen (recognized as worthwhile)...to a 28 yr old who has the privilege of knowing many people who see her and even seek her out.

I don't know if people will be assholes or if I will have a good time. I am not going for anyone else. I am going for that teenage girl I was, the one who couldn't imagine a world in which anyone could see her as anything unless she became thin. And then I'm going to write a letter to a young girl I know, who is that girl I was, and really and truly make it worth my time.